The Provost Rocks!

It's amazing to me, and a bit alarming as well, to see how much a few minutes of validation, encouragement, and honesty can improve my overall sense of well being and restore my confidence that all is right with the world.

It's a strange sensation, and antithetical to how independent and self-sufficient I've become in my personal life. It illustrates the gravity of my current situation, and the certainty of my need for change. No matter how unshakable I think I am - my humanity dictates that I can't work, on a daily basis, in an irrational, dishonest, and dysfunctional environment and remain unscathed.     

So, I'll trudge on in the tedious job search - but with a new point of reference for restoring my sense of purpose when in need.
    
And, I'll unabashedly share my opinions and ideas - as per the Provost's request - with a renewed sense of "me-ness." I am thankful to have received permission from this higher level of authority, to cast off the absurd set of pseudo-protocol/rules that were created by parasitic organisms -  masquerading as my superiors. I feel cleansed of the contagion that is their timidity and fear.

The truth is the truth, no matter who plagiarizes it and misuses it to further their agenda.
The truth always wins in the end.
The truth dispels all worry and fear.
The truth, indeed, does set you free.

Alannah's Big Show! Research project: All About Horses! 

I thought I was done with homework for a while - at least until the Spring 2014 semester, which is when I plan to take those two last classes for my MA in Urban Affairs - but apparently, I was not. For the last week and a half, my daughter and I have been working non-stop on her projects for school. The big one - her research project on horses - was due today. While I didn't particularly like the mad rush in the end when she had dutifully been taking her notes for months now (we didn't get any project instructions till the Fri. before it was due) and I didn't like having to be up till 4 and 3 AM again 2 nights in a row; and while I still haven't slept away those missed hours yet, and I am spacy and my eyes feel worse for the wear.... I have to say, I am more than content now. I am absolutely thrilled. Not only did she do an amazing job, and work hard to bring something great to fruition, but the frantic dash in the last hours ended up garnering her grandparents help. They held cue cards and glued strips of dialogue to them, and we all clipped said dialogue into strips to affix (which I had typed up and printed all day at work), and it really felt great to have a team working on something that was so important to my girl. Even at night when Nana and Poppy had gone home and Alannah went to sleep, and there were 29 clips to be made into one movie - with editing to be done on many of them - and the tempermental computer was giving me problems in the eleventh hour, as it threatened to prevent me from uploading a finished product to YouTube for her to present in class the next day: I wasn't alone. Having just arrived home from a double shift, my boyfriend/mate-for-life saw my pain, panic, and stress; and when IMovie repeatedly needed 20, 10, or 15 minutes to optimize, he came to my aid. He sent me to bed to "lie down" each time with a promise to wake me when done. He did. Every single time. And finally, the movie was done! And my daughter's smile in the morning was beautiful, and her pride in her work was art. And I know that whatever happens today in school - if the presentation goes well or not - we all had an amazing experience. And I feel wonderfully not alone, and unencumbered by any cursed burden. This was not just homework, this was familywork - this was work of the best kind. This was joy, this was creativity, this was helping each other; and that is what children bring out in people in the most unlikely and surprising times - their (very) beautiful best. So thank YOU, my Miss Alannah. The pleasure was all mine!

Actualization...Hope is Near

     I feel like Bob Dylan in Maggie’s Farm. Millions of ideas constantly bubble in my brain. They seem to be reaching a critical mass where they may boil over, and perhaps burst through the rigid sutures securing my cranium. But that's okay. There’s no need for alarm. "The better to PUBLISH with, my dears!" so sayeth this wolf, and I shall triumphantly embrace La Loba!

     Dare I imagine finding a job where, as a professional, I could freely engage my creativity and combine it with my fastidious attention to detail? Where I could proffer brave ideas and acquire new skills (coding, please!)? Where I could perform meaningful work, knowing that my devout self-measurement against Weberian ideal types – my unwavering striving for perfection - is actually appreciated? Where my original ideas may be encouraged and/or accepted, or may join a collective and collaborative brainstorm of organizational creativity and innovation, rather than constantly crashing into petrified elements (organic and other) of bureaucracy that are no longer responsive to stimuli? To me, this sounds like heaven - and it is what I am excited about today. I have been introduced to a company that desires strange and exceptional souls, as well as my (MLS) skill set. I have applied for an open position there, and am drunk with positivity as I imagine the enormous potential and the magnitude of possibilities for growth that may ensue, should I be hired.

     For the purpose of paying this good fortune forward to any potential reader(s), and back to the company as well: The company's name is “Knewton.” They rock in so many ways. More to come in coming days, I’m sure. - B